You Spawn Some, You Lose Some

Dr. Daniel's review of Spawn

Starring John Leguizamo, Michael Jai White, Martin Sheen, Theresa Randle, Mindy Clarke, Miko Hughes, Sydni Beaudoin, Nicol Williamson, D.B. Sweeney, Todd McFarlane, Michael Papajohn.

Directed by Mark A.Z. Dippé. Rated PG-13. 97 minutes.

    Okay, here's the deal. One of my favorite things in life when I was a young-'un, outside of the movies, was my Sunday jaunt with my father. Every Sunday afternoon, after church and lunch, we'd jump in the car and ride over to Pete's Thrifty-Spend. Pete's was world-famous all over the County for his selection of newspapers and magazines. Daddy would sort through the Sunday papers, 'cause he had to have at least two or three, so he could be sure he was getting the news from all over. Our neck of the woods was the only place in Georgia where you could get a copy of The Times of London on the day it came out. (How he did it we'll never know. Maybe ol' Pete's a warlock.) While Daddy rummaged through all the news that was fit to print, I'd wander back to Pete's awesome comic book rack.
    It was fifteen feet long and three shelves high. He kept the widest selection of comic books in three counties. Kids would hitchhike from as far away as Rivertown (ten miles) to get a look at those shelves. On the bottom shelf, Pete had every superhero, from Batman and Superman to Captain Marvel and The Amazing Spiderman. He had Archie and Jughead, Betty and Veronica, and all the others from Riverdale High. He had all the Disneys, including Unca Scrooge and the Beagle Boys. He even had Richie Rich and Little Lulu. Second shelf was a little higher, so it held a little more adventurous stuff, the Sgt. Rocks, the Vault of Horror, Mad Magazine, all the vampire stuff, you know. Top shelf was for the brave teenagers who wanted to try their luck with True Detective and the Police Gazettes.
    I would sit there on the linoleum and nurse my way through the books, picking out the five or six I could con my daddy into buying for me. He'd always hem and haw around, but he never failed to throw my stack up on the counter and say, "Pete, guess you better ring these up too." Pete would bag the books, toss me a free stick of Fruit-Stripe Gum, give me that cool smokin'-gun finger point, and we'd be on our way.
    Comic books have grown up with us over the years. We still got our easy-to-digest versions of kiddie books, but, now, we have what are called "graphic novels." Simply put, these are comic books with a dose of steroids and a heapin' helpin' of attitude. Lots of blood, violence, and sex. Think R-rated stuff, and you're there. And, I admit, I read one every now and then. If Pete spots a particularly good cover, he'll put it up for me. That's how I caught Men In Black, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the original go-'round, not the candy-coated ones they have now), and a really cool thing called The Watchmen. I catch a Sandman every so often, maybe a Batman, when they get going with the great artwork. And, that's how I first caught up with a character called Spawn.
    And, because I had read the comic book before, I was kinda jazzed about the movie coming out. The animated thing on HBO alternates from Super to Sucker, so I was ready for somebody to bring Todd MacFarlane's ideas to life. And, friends and neighbors, it finally happened. And, believe it or not, it didn't turn out half-bad. But it didn't turn out half-good, either.
    For those of you who don't know, Spawn is a hero, of sorts, that kinda looks like one of those dried apple dolls with pro wrestler Sting's make-up. He was once a superspy for the government named Al Simmons, but ol' Al was murdered by his boss (played here by Martin Sheen), who has some wacked-out plan for world domination. Al's spirit makes a deal with the Devil (played here by one of the demon dogs from Ghostbusters, apparently....) Al will be allowed to see his wife, Wanda, once more, if he, as Spawn, will lead the legions of Hell in a war against the Armies of Heaven. Or thereabouts, all whichaway, somethin' or other....
    Anyway, Al returns as Spawn, the superhero with an even more superpowered cape (thank you, ILM and CGI), and he has a major jones to see his old boss dead. I mean, penny on the eye, tag on the toe, slow walk and sad talk - dead! He's also pestered to death (sorry) by the Devil's version of Gilligan, a perverted, sadistic little clown (John Leguizamo) whose job it is to crank Spawn into these killing rages. Spawn also has an angel on his shoulder named Cogliostro. Coggy, played by Nicol Williamson, is like some unnamed Jedi Master who's trying to save Spawn's soul.
    I know, there's a lot going on here. Let me tell you now, that if you're looking for a Tarantino-McQuade-type script driven dramatics, walk on by. Words have no meaning here, other than to take us from one action scene to the next. Thanks to director Mark Dippe, this is pure sensationalism, special effects, and cute one-liners a la Arnold. This is a jacked-up Jackie Chan flick with a few buckets of Hammer Studios guts spackled around for decoration. In very basic terms, this is exactly the sort of money that used to make a fortune for Roger Corman, Sam Arkoff, Jim Nicholson, and all the other AIP graduates. A fat-budget B-movie. Nothing more.
    A small kudo for Michael Jai White, who has to play Simmons/Spawn. He plays it bland as Al, and as over the top as you can be in an ebony Mummy mask as Spawn. The CGI cape upstages him in most every scene, whirling and beckoning like a huge third hand. Not unlike those background fools who wave incessantly during some ultra-serious news report. Martin Sheen hams it as only Martin can, doing a funky Snidely Whiplash impression while needing to clear his throat. The thief in the night, though, is Leguizamo, who gets every great line, including a nice little Apocalypse Now reference thrown at Sheen that only the over-thirty filmbuff crowd will get.
    If you're over thirty-five or so, Spawn is going to come off like a bandit, stealing every gimmick from Robocop, Alien, Blade Runner, and about ten other classic sci-fi hero pics. I agree, folks, it was done better in those movies than it was done here. And, let's face it. This whole basic storyline is a penny-ante shoplift of Sam Raimi's Darkman, and Sam Raimi's vision is the only vision that need pull off a story like this. And he did it without the assistance of a pre-existing story. (Memorandum to Sam: We miss you! Loved your acting in Indian Summer, but the horror genre needs you! Evil Dead 4, if you please.)
    On the other hand, this movie is obviously directed at the comic book audience, the ones who know their Mortal Kombat avatars better than they know themselves. And, for those people, this movie is gonna be a fully stoked charge. For me, though, it's just another shining example of Summer Madness. Symptomatic overindulgence in special effects instead of plot and script, action instead of drama, caused by an overdose of studio money and the splashy-publicity big opening philosophy of Summertime Movie Releases. Mark my word, this thing'll make a quick barrel of cash, and hit the dollar-a-seat houses before school starts. A flash in the pan is just that, no matter how bright it flashes. In the meantime I think I'll head over to Pete's for a browse at the top shelf.