Okay, here's the deal. The other day Loretta Mudpuckle called and cancelled her husband's physical. Evidently, Ralph got wind of his wife's plans to trick him into a trip to the clinic, and he disappeared. He probably sneaked off to Lake Birdwell for a cast or two 'til the smoke clears. I was pretty relieved myself; I'd had a steady stream of crisis cases, and really wasn't in the mood to get up-close and personal with Ralph's unmentionables. So, with the afternoon free, I decided to kick back and watch "Jerry Springer." He was interviewing some incestuous hairdressers and their promiscuous parakeets, and who'd want to miss that? Finally -- after Jerry copped him some lowest-common-denominator ratings, offered his little "pontification minute," and wrapped up the show -- they rolled out to a commercial break and I saw what amounts to one of the funniest movie promos I'd ever seen. It was for a little number called Booty Call. I actually laughed out loud at 30-seconds worth of antics from Jamie Foxx and Tommy Davidson, formerly of TV's In Living Color. I immediately made a note to check it out on video in about six months.

That evening I bopped over to the local Dodecaplex, hoping to catch a showing of Donnie Brasco. A dozen minutes later I found myself standing nose to nose with some teenage night manager, arguing over the content of the pre-recorded drivel on the theater's Showtimes Line. "Listen, you pre-pubescent flathead, your recording listed Donnie Brasco at nine o'clock," I blasted. "If it says nine o'clock, you don't start the show at eight forty-five!" He countered with a doozy for the ages, "Oh, I guess my watch is fast or sumpin'."

I'm the type of guy who just does NOT go into a movie after it's started, and I made it clear that a major butt-whoopin' was forthcoming if he didn't make amends. A quick check-in with the regional office (these morons can't do anything by themselves) and he'd coughed up a free ticket for me to see Booty Call, unreeling in five minutes. (I guess the radio station contest winner forgot to pick up his promo tickets.) Anyhow, I can't resist something free, so I gave the twerp a dirty look, grabbed the pass, and stormed my way into theater three. I instantly remembered the funny commercial, and was secretly elated, but I didn't want to let on and surrender my power position.

Things got underway, and before long I was witnessing what basically amounts to an uncensored, long-play "Martin" episode without Martin (that's not a cut-down; I like "Martin"). Foxx plays Bunz, a "street rat" who's agreed to double-date with his college-educated pal Rushon, played by Davidson. We learn that Rushon's girl is holding out on him, as it's been seven weeks with no nooky from Nikki. A gentlemen's agreement is hatched that bets Rushon will score by daylight. They meet the ladies at a restaurant, play some pool and some poker, and before long split off to separate rooms for the inevitable nasty dancin'. Circumstances lead to the destruction of Rushon's lone condom, and...screeeech...Nikki says no-no. Let the hijinks begin.

From there, the plot evolves into a safe-sex scavenger hunt, as Bunz and Rushon repeatedly venture out into the night to purchase various samples of state-of-the-street prophylactic weaponry. I don't want to spoil the plot (!) by giving any more details, but suffice it to say the storyline is about as thin as the latex in those ever-important condoms, but durable enough for Foxx and Davidson to deliver some loony character work and a steady stream of sex-doped punchlines.

A few scenes are indeed hilarious (namely a foot-fetish card game and some Glad Wrap shenanigans) and Foxx is at his manic best, knocking off an impersonation or two, and playing this low-rent gigolo with obvious abandon. Davidson is hamstrung by his straight man role, but their partnering is better balanced than, say, the lopsided duo of Chris Farley and David Spade.

Now, certainly, this movie is no masterpiece, and I'm sure some of the best stuff sailed right over my waspy head. It's overrun with profanity and vulgarity, consists of almost wall-to-wall sexual references and scenarios, but is surprisingly short of nudity (doggone it!) But, I will admit that I laughed a lot, and enjoyed the fact that my admission was free. Jamie Foxx is a blast, and hopefully, this movie will earn enough money for him to escape his current role as a falling tree in the silent forest of TV's WB network.