From TubeSteak to ScreenGems

OK, here's the deal. I ain't much on this whole MTV generation thing. It had its moments, I guess, back when Madonna was singing about her virginity and Michael Jackson had a tan. Then they lost me when everybody got "grunged" and decided they had to look like out-of-work lumberjacks with gargantuan pants and 30 weight hair. I tuned out.

But maybe 'round '92 or so, a patient of mine described this new show on "Music Television" about these cartoon dinks named Beavis and Butt-Head. To be honest, the premise sounded thin -- two bozos sitting on a sofa, snickering about music videos and repeatedly realizing the double-meaning of the word "hard rock." Like "Seinfeld" in a lobotomy recovery ward. Then, one day I was flipping channels waiting for Kung Fu Theater, and landed on the show. Maybe it was the same impulse I get when I drive by a bad car wreck, but I stopped. I had to see this for myself.

I was hooked. It was absolutely the stupidest thing I had ever watched in my life. It made no sense, it had no plot, and it was basically a bunch of potty-training humor dressed up with cartoons. But it was funny. Funnier than anything else on the tube. Three times funnier than gruntin' Tim Allen. Five times funnier than fat-assed Rosanne. And a zillion times funnier than that irritating as a hangnail-on-a-chalk-board Urkel fool.

Well, not long after I heard there was a B and B feature film in the works. The resulting rumors made me wince. I heard hints of a live-action version. Then names like David Spade, Leo DiCaprio and Pauly Shore were bandied about, and I panicked bigtime. I had flashbacks to the Beverly Hillbillies and Little Rascals abominations, and vowed to piggy bank my money and avoid any and all TV-to-Big Screen crap. But, then, the rumors died down and a year or so later I started hearing a different story. One that involved creator Mike Judge in total control, delivering bonafide animation, a road-movie script, and voice cameos from the likes of Dave Letterman, Bruce Willis and Robert Stack. Curiosity got the best of me, I broke open ol' swiney and gobbled up a ticket to see Beavis and Butt-Head Do America.

Got news for you, friends and neighbors. Hammer open your piggy banks. Beavis and Butt-Head Do America does not suck.

Mike Judge really delivers the goods. He changed nothing in the formula, just let his boys move off the couch and around the country, from their hometown to Vegas to the Hoover Dam and into downtown D.C. There's no intricate plotline to trifle over. In a nutshell, a stolen TV leads the boys into a deal with illegal arms dealers. They manage to become the "most dangerous criminals in the country" and become the subject of a mammoth nationwide manhunt. Along the way they find ample opportunity to admire the feminine physique and find new ways to awaken old double-entendres. Nothing to it, right?

Look, I ain't gonna piss on your foot and tell you it's raining. This thing is no threat to Disney. No redskin princesses or buffalo-monkey hybrids in castles, you know? It is, however, a tribute to every last-row sophomore class clown with moronic musical tastes. You want sophistication, go rent some Japanese thing like Vampire Hunter D. You want sentiment, go rent Fievel Goes West. You want amazing animation, go rent Beauty and the Beast. But, if you want to laugh your can off at bungholes and woodies, then this is the movie for you.

In its own distinction, it's a masterful work of humor. It slaps at everything from the FBI to the First Family to park rangers. It aims bullseyes at those of us who live for caffeine and sugar rushes. And, most impressive of all, the opening credits are some of the funniest to ever grace a projector.

The script is tight and consistent. The voice characterizations are incredible (be sure to listen for the voices of Demi Moore, Greg Kinnear, and Dazed & Confused director Richard Linklater.) The music kicks, anchored by a bitchin' opening theme by Isaac Hayes and a stellar remake of "Love Rollercoaster" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. And our favorite B and B characters (Tom Anderson, Principal McVicker, Mr. Van Dreesen) are out in full force.

No, this movie ain't gonna change the face of animation as we know it. It may not even make a ripple in the whole scheme of life as we know it. It'll probably even offend the mild at heart. But, if you ever sat on the last row in high school, you'll find it's a great way to spend 98 minutes or so -- no lessons to learn, no messages to absorb -- just laugh yourself goofy for a while.