Okay, here's the deal. Remember the night before Christmas when you were a kid. You'd lie awake in your bed, boiling with anticipation. Your mind was opening every drawer in the mental filing cabinet, imagining all the wonderful toys and goodies that you'd be unwrapping in a few hours hence. By the time you got that wake-up call, your heart was bouncing like a kangaroo on speed.

And then you'd rip into the packages...glossy wrapping paper and ribbons encircling your groping arms. You'd get done in no time, and then...THE LETDOWN. That one magical gift that would fulfill your life's desire was missing. No matter how fabulous the other presents may have been, you're still lacking. No TV set for your room. No electric train set. No pony. No (to make this trip down therapy lane more first-person personal, insert your own scarred psychological remnant here.) --------- . Who knows, maybe your childhood was more satisfying than mine.

Anyhow, Wednesday night I trucked out to see Absolute Power, and the feeling was quite reminiscent of those Yuletimes from days-gone-by. Lemme 'splain, Lucy.

About a month back, I saw a trailer for the new film directed by Clint Eastwood. Starring Clint Eastwood. Starring Gene Hackman. Ed Harris. Scott Glenn. E. G. Marshall. Judy Davis. Based on the best-seller by David Baldacci. With a screenplay by William Goldman. (Somebody hold me.)

Needless to say, my anticipation was so heightened that I rattled the crushed ice out of my large Cherry Coke. And steam rose up from my lap.

Well, I guess in hindsight, my Absolute Power experience was doomed to fail. I was much too keyed up. You gotta realize I've got an Unforgiven poster over my bed, I own The Rookie on laserdisc, and the two houseplants in my kitchen window are named Dirty Harry and Magnum Force. I've read William Goldman's Adventures in the Screen Trade thirteen times. And Gene Hackman dines regularly with me whenever somebody offers up that "who in history would you invite to your dinner party" question.

Okay. Okay. On to the review. In short, Absolute Power is a disappointment. It's kinda hard to put my finger on the problem. The plot is fascinating on the surface: high-end cat burglar witnesses a nasty murder and cover-up, featuring the Nation's Chief Exec as the star performer. The script features Goldman's stock-in-trade detail and wry-as-rain character play. The acting is superb. Hackman is fabulously two-faced, reprising many of the likably evil turns that made his Unforgiven villainy so viciously vanguard. (Today's review is brought to you by the letter V.) And we're privy to remarkable performances from Judy Davis, Scott Glenn, and the impeccable Ed Harris.

However, (oh, this however is fat) I have to say I think the problem is with Eastwood. Yes, my hero lets me down. Maybe he should've just directed this one. Or maybe he should've just acted in it. Whatever the cause, he seems to be the problem. To be specific, everyone else in the film (save the laughably inept Dennis Haysbert, whose acting consists solely of smirking at himself) acts circles around Clint. At times, we get the feeling he's not sure whether his Luther Whitney is a charming master-con with a wink-wink confidence, a vengeful action icon searching for a mastery of the enemy, or a mysterious father figure wrapped inside an enigma packaged in a conundrum. I mean, some might say this is Eastwood creating layers to his performance, but for me, it's just Eastwood trotting out his holy trinity of stock characters (Bronco Billy, Harry Callahan, and the Stranger) and plugging them into the nearest available scene.

We get a few other irritating flaws to chew on, particularly an open-air café shoot-out scene that plays out like a mediocre "Mannix" rerun, and the unexplained disappearance of Penny Johnson as detective Ed Harris' assistant. (Maybe she was late for her call-time for a filming of "The Larry Sanders Show" 'cause all of sudden she vanishes, as Ed trots on solo through the rest of the film to solve the crime.) Also, Scott Glenn's character is noble and conflicted, and then his demise comes in the film's finale, in an incredulous afterthought scene that's short on motivation and long on cheddar.

To pick apart this show any further might reveal some key plot points, and, in all honesty, I don't want to steer people away from this film. There are many, many things to like about it, including a terrific "dance scene" between Hackman and Davis, and a very satisfying death scene involving hypodermic needles.

I guess the cynic might say I ruined it for myself with all the anticipatory glee, but I've been hyped-up before many a film adventure (even as recently as my Star Wars outing a mere two weeks ago) and still left the cineplex more than satisfied. Alright, just in case it's my fault (and not Clint's) I won't not recommend Absolute Power, but I think you can put it on your rental list...or if you must see it on the big screen, just be sure you go to the chimney expecting a stocking full of switches.