A postpartum review of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre      On the heels of Halloween's newest sequel, I think it only fitting that we pause and pay homage to the grandfather of the teen slasher movies. If you've never seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it's safe to assume it's because you were scared off by people telling you how graphic it is, or how incredibly gross the effects are. If this is the case, allow me to congratulate you, because you've let yourself be talked out of seeing a legendary film, one that haunts you for days after you see it, but not for the reasons you may think.       The long and the short of the plot is this: a group of kids are travelling through Texas. They pick up a hitchhiker, who scares the bejesus out of them, generally by being stranger than a football bat. His final act, hacking himself open with a pocket knife, puts them all over the edge, and they throw him out of the van, but not before he slams a bloody handprint on the side. After a stop at the local gas station and barbecue joint, they reach their destination, an old farmhouse. They begin exploring the surroundings. One guy wanders into a nearby house, when, all of a sudden, a door slides open, and all hell breaks loose. Hell, in this case, is a family of crazies that includes the Hitchhiker, his brother, Leatherface, who wears a mask made of human skin and is quite handy with a sledge hammer and a chainsaw; their father, who also runs the barbecue joint (let your mind wander over that point as you contemplate where all the dead bodies have gone....), and their dear grandfather, the veteran of the Texas slaughterhouses who is near death, but still has his needs.       I could tell you more, but this is a film that's best left to discover on your own.       This was director Tobe Hooper's first feature. It was made on a shoestring budget, and, in places, it looks it. The acting was done by friends of his, including the ominous narration, done by a then-unknown John Larroquette, who graduated to "Night Court" and his own show on TV. But pay little attention to the talent pool and look at the film itself. It's a claustrophobic nightmare of pure terror. Sadistic as it sounds, watch this thing with the lights off. You'll feel everything closing in around you. The color red is predominant throughout, in various shades, all of them shockingly vibrant. The suddenness of the first attack will leave you positively breathless, and from that point on, it never lets up. I've watched this movie with folks who swear they're hyperventilating, but aren't. It's the pacing of the movie. The handheld camera shots are shaky, the sounds are stark, and the screaming is almost throat-shredding. Everyone is yelling and wild-eyed. It's an exercise in fear. Marilyn Burns, the lead actress, went through virtual hell making this movie, and, because the final confrontation is through her point of view, you really feel her fear. Extreme close-ups of her eyes filled with tears, the relentless soundtrack and screaming dialogue, it builds and builds until you just collapse when the credits finally roll.       Much has been made of the "graphic content" of the movie. Allow me to be the one to pop that lil' bubble right here and now. After you watch this movie, you'll gladly swear in court that you saw things happen in this movie that you did not see. Whether it was Hooper's budget limitations or his own idea, there's very little actual onscreen graphic violence. Most of the violence is implied, occurring through a series of quick edits and cuts that show you various angles of the event, but never the actual event. Without spoiling a major occurrence, I can tell you that there's a scene where a girl gets hung on a meathook, an idea that could turn many a stomach, sure. But, and this is a big "but", it's never shown onscreen. The scene is shot much like the shower scene in Psycho. Flash cuts from the girl to the villain to the shiny steel hook, over and over as she gets closer to it, the villain lifts her up and brings her down on the hook, but there is no shot of the hook actually touching her skin, nor is there a shot of her bleeding from any sort of wound. Yet, if you ask people, they will swear on a stack of Tales From The Crypt comics that they saw the hook go through her and it was the grossest thing they've ever seen. Wrong-o, folks. They saw what I just explained to you, and their minds filled in the parts they assumed they were going to see. And, that, friends and neighbors, is good filmmaking. Whether it be from lack of money or genius editing, Hooper gives the audience enough of a picture that they can fill in the rest and creep themselves out even further than he could.       There's a sequel to TCM that's worth seeing, if only for the complete over-the-top attitude it takes, especially Dennis Hopper (!) as the Texas Ranger who's been looking for his family's killer for, lo, these many years. It's nowhere near as frightening as the original, but it leaves you just as worn out and amazed.       If you're looking for something to spook you a bit, without all the uptown funk of Scream and Scream 2, wander back through time and grab The Texas Chainsaw Massacre off the shelf at the video store. Caution be said, it will get under your skin, no pun intended. If you're a newbie to TCM, watch it with someone else, so you can talk about it afterward. And, believe me, you'll talk about it. If you're a veteran of TCMania, throw a party and get a group together and watch it. And sit back afterwards and listen to what the group says are their favorite parts. You'll be amazed at what your friends thought they saw.... Get "reel" soon, Dr. V. B. Daniel See past Alternative Medicine columns: A Christmas Story | To Kill A Mockingbird | I Wanna Hold Your Hand | Kingpin | Joe Versus the Volcano | The Commitments | Indian Summer | The Big Lebowski | Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man | The Texas Chainsaw Massacre | Empire Records | That Thing You Do! | The Ten Commandments | The Third Man | Waiting for Guffman

Text Menu